I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
