Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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