If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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