drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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