oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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