you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
