Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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