Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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