Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
