My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
