you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
