just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The best revenge is premature balding
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
