i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
