Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
