Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
