Everything about him screamed your future.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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