I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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