If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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