it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
