Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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