ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
how drunk are you?
Several
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
