someone get that fucking seahorse.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
