A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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