I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
