I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
