Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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