his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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