According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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