I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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