i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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