You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The best revenge is premature balding
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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