I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
