Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
