I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
