do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I want to make a zoo with you.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
