I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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