Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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