Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
