dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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