he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
