goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
