come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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