he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
