So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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