i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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