true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
