Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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