Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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