He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
