I am puke
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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