When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
