I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you mean i was at the winter classic?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
