are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
