happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
