she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
