can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
