You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
