please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
