Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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