I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Your cock deserves a montage
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
