i would punch a child for taco bell
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
