Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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