i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
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Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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