I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
